Over sixty short essays
by “veteran” mothers and fathers of children with varying
disabilities tell the stories they wish they could have heard when
they learned their own child’s diagnosis. Essays share words
of validation, affirmation, support, and encouragement. Very positive
reviews by Fred Rogers (Mister Rogers Neighborhood), Ann Landers,
and many parent organizations..
From the
time a pregnancy is identified, most parents begin building hopes,
dreams, and expectations for their new baby. These dreams can be
suddenly shattered when a child is diagnosed with a disability or
special health care needs.
Although compassionate
physicians, nurses, social workers, and other health care professionals
may try to provide emotional support and useful information, most
parents describe feeling terribly alone with feelings they can find
hard to put into words. Many parents and professionals have suggested
that the diagnosis of a child’s disability initiates a mourning
process in parents, much like the grief felt when a child dies.
Yet the child is alive and parenting must proceed.
This book is all about
human connections – ‘veteran’ parents reaching
out to parents who have recently learned that their child has a
disability or a special health care need. The compassion and caring
of these very special connections can be healing at a critical time
in the life of a family.
To create this book,
the editors asked “veteran” mothers and fathers of children
with disabilities to tell the stories they wish they could have
heard at that emotionally difficult time, to share words of validation,
affirmation, support, and encouragement. Although the authors of
these essays have had very different experiences differences that
are reflected in the stories they tell -- similar messages of hope
and encouragement come through in each of the sixty-three essays.
The basic messages of
the essays include:
You are not alone.
The wide range of difficult feelings you are experiencing are a
normal part of the human experience. We, too, have been there when
everything seemed hopeless; yet we have survived, and our lives
have continued. You can go on and grow.
Although there are no easy answers, you will find ways to cope.
You are likely to discover inner resources you didn't not know existed.
There is sadness; some dreams are lost. You will mourn, but you
can heal. You will be happy again; you will dream new dreams.
In You Will Dream New Dreams: Inspiring personal stories by parents
of children with disabilities, a compassionate, deeply felt collection
of writings, you’ll discover the common ground of emotions
shared by parents of children with disabilities. Real life mothers
and fathers of kids with cerebral palsy, Down syndrome, autism,
mental retardation, and life-changing illnesses speak from the heart
on how they mourned for the child of their dreams…learned
the importance of turning to friends instead of being “strong”
all the time…experienced the wrenching disappointment of letter
go of certain expectations for their child…and found the unexpected
job discovering new dreams.
Healing, coping, surviving,
and even being happy again; these messages of encouragement and
hope, from parent to parent, offer a helping hand when it is most
needed—during tough days or anytime true understanding can
make all the difference.
New parents as well as
experienced parents have found this book very helpful.
Foreword:
Dick Thornburgh
Introduction: Stanley D. Klein, Ph.D., and Kim Schive
What Can I Say?: Geralyn Anderson Arango
How to Be My Daughter's Friend Melissa: J. Himelein
Life Is Good: Susan Sivola
Hope for Little Hearts: Lenore Cameron
He Has Stars in his Eyes Hope: C. Thorpe
Looking Toward the Future Unafraid: Terrin Pelham
Too Much Reality: Pamela Simmons
Aidan's Gift: Valle Dwight
The Future Is Now: Albert Freedman
Redefining Perfection: Albert Freedman Albert Freedman
Getting to Know My Son: Karen Ciaccio
Trust Your Instincts: Carol Gordon
It's OK to Have Hope: Lynne Gregorio
I Have Learned: Eric C. Last
Hard Choices: Laura Salomons
Trophy of Grace: Leslie Neugent
Go Ahead and Lose Control: Colleen Jesaitis
Talk to Me: Karen Scoggins
Learning to Cope: Melody Stebelton
An Evolution of Emotion: Casey Cunningham
Beyond the Diagnosis: Mary Stephens
I Am a Father: Christopher J. Beveridge
Our Journey: Donna Cohen
What to Say: Sandra Assimotos-McElwee
"Mother Seems Overly Concerned": Caryle Seim
Skip the Guilt: Janice M. Block
Readiness: Cindy Daniel
Turning Obstacles into Triumphs: Diane Stonecipher
Being Kip's Mom: Melody Grant
Dreams: Ann Waldrop
Having Everything: Jan T. Skoby
Be a Parent First: Jo Ann Spencer
The Perfect Daughter: Michael T. Bailey
Silver Linings and Everyday Clothes: Joan Killough-Miller
Raising Answers: Julia Shure
Double Whammy: Carolyn Carasea
Welcome to the World: Nancy E. Holroyd
"Normal" Lives: Karen L. Higginbotham
Finding Our Way: Nate Terrell
Parent Support to the Rescue: Jennifer Titrud
Unconditionally Yours: Elaine Tillman
I Wish: Barbara J. Ebenstein
Survival Skills 101: Paula Holdeman
A Change of Plans: Janis Cloakey
Time: Mary Jane Kithens
Lessons from Our Life with Matt Joyce: Millard-Hoie and John Hoie
The Woman in the Picture: Carolyn Schimanski
Congratulations!: Jennifer M. Graham
Journal Entries: Anonymous
Different Dreams: Kim Kaster
Traveling a Different Path: Maureen S. Penton
Chicken Soup for the Special Family's Soul: Carolyn Anderson
The Green Bike: Sally Cash Ragsdale
The Journey: Jillian K. Welch
The Ride: Susan Helling
The Rudest Awakening: Robert A. Naseef
Get Over It!: Jo Ann Simons
Mission of Love: Trena Tremblay
Welcome to Holland: Emily Perl Kingsley
We Let Them Lead Us: Nathan and Louise J. Elbaum
When My Daughter Became Blind: Mary McHugh
You Are Not Alone: Patricia McGill Smith
Lessons Learned: Donna L. Roberts
Resources for parents and family members:
Parent Training and Information Centers
Parent-Matching Resources
Early Intervention, ages 0-2
Early Intervention, ages 3-5
National Resources
Internet Resource Sites
Clearinghouses
National Disability
Organizations
From
the Foreword
You
are not alone. My wife and I have been there and we have learned
to dream new dreams. On July 1, 1960, our son, Peter, then an
infant only four months old, was involved in a terrible automobile
accident which took the life of his mother, my first wife. For
a considerable period of time, his very survival was in doubt.
He had multiple skull fractures and serious brain injuries which
resulted in his having mental retardation.
…While
in the hospital with tubes running in and out of his tiny body,
he was baptized. He returned home just before Christmas and
our family life began anew.
After spending three years as a single parent to Peter and his
two older brothers, God sent me Ginny Judson, a schoolteacher
who I met and married in 1963. In 1966, Ginny and I added a
fourth son to our family.
…it
has always been very special for us to meet and talk with other
parents who have shared similar experiences. We have been comforted
and nourished by other parents; we have wept together and we
have laughed together. We never perceived one another as superstars
or martyrs; we were mothers and fathers discovering our gifts
while trying to be the best parents we could be.
I have
also been uniquely blessed with opportunities to apply the lessons
I have learned as a parent in public life. In 1978, I ran successfully
for governor of Pennsylvania and served two four-year terms.
Peter was a fine campaigner, a popular subject for campaign
photos and a frequent participant in official activities after
I was elected. Our feeling was one of pride in Peter's accomplishments,
not reluctance to share his shortcomings. Everyone in Pennsylvania
knew that the governor had a son with a serious disability…
Later
when I served in Washington, D.C., as Attorney General of the
United States, one of my principal tasks for President Bush
was to spearhead the effort to obtain congressional passage
of the Americans With Disabilities Act (ADA), the civil rights
law designed to end discrimination against persons with disabilities
and remove barriers to their participation in all aspects of
community life. Once again, it was parents, parent organizations
and organizations of people with disabilities who helped develop
bipartisan support for this legislation.
When
I served at the United Nations, I had an opportunity to observe
how the needs of some 500 million persons with disabilities
around the world are beginning to be met -- through the UN's
own program of action and in many nations that are using our
ADA as a model. Today determined advocates throughout the world,
including many parents, are stimulating new thinking about how
persons with disabilities can best serve and be served in their
societies…
In this
book, more than 60 parents who have "been there" reach
out to new parents by sharing their stories and their wisdom.
They describe their deepest emotions and reflect on how they
have become seasoned, veteran parents. Because of their sons
and daughters, their lives and their values changed. They have
become informed experts about their children and have found
new ways to grow and serve. As veteran parents ourselves, Ginny
and I know firsthand that parents' strongest allies will always
be other parents and we count ourselves fortunate to have been
able to share our experiences with others.
To new
parents, grandparents and other family members reading these
fine essays, we say with special feelings of respect: "Welcome
to a wonderful worldwide community! Keep this book nearby and
share its with your family and friends. You are not alone."
Dick
Thornburgh
Washington, DC
The greatest gift any
one of us can give is the gift of our honest self. How generously
these parents have shared their feelings—crowned with hope—in
the pages of this exceedingly helpful book."
Fred Rogers, creator
and host of Mister Rogers' Neighborhood
… a rich mixture of personal stories, insights and information.
I wish I'd had this book fourteen years ago when my son's autism
was first diagnosed. I highly recommend You Will Dream New Dreams
to all new parents, especially those who have a child with a disability,
of course, but to others as well. And I also encourage grandparents,
uncles, aunts, and other family members to read this book.
Sally J. Pederson, Lt.
Governor, State of Iowa
Knowing that "parents' strongest allies will always be other
parents," Klein and Schive have collected from all over the
country stories by parents of children with special needs. You Will
Dream New Dreams is a remarkable parent's support group in print.
The shared narratives come from those with newly diagnosed children,
adult disabled children, and everything in between; their stories
are short and unfold in plain language just what the parent suffering
from informational and emotional overload needs..offer hope and
encouragement and serve as a reminder that there are others out
there who can help. The appendix includes resources to help parents
track down local information and support…Essential for all
consumer health collections.
Library Journal March
18, 2001
…includes pieces like “Hard Choices,” on the painful
decision to place a brain-damaged child in a group home, and “Getting
to Know My Son,” on a mother’s struggle to accept—and
love—a child with Down syndrome…offers emotional support
to disabled children’s families and should help educators
and health-care professionals better understand these parents’
perspectives.
Publishers Weekly March
20, 2001
I would like to recommend an inspiring and helpful book for all
parents of children with disabilities. It is "You Will Dream
New Dreams"…is a compilation of stories by parents who
have dealt with the challenges of raising special-needs children.
They speak with the authenticity of their experiences and optimism
about the future.
Ann Landers May 20, 2001
…easy-to-read book contains more than sixty short essays from
mothers and fathers of children with varying disabilities, including
Down syndrome, autism and cerebral palsy. It is written for new
parents who often feel deluged with and overwhelmed by too much
information and who need to feel that they are not alone. Each essay
is written by a “veteran” parent and presents an honest
and open portrait of raising a special child. Some stories bring
tears to your eyes, others will bring joy to you heart. It is well
worth the read and a great gift for new parents.
Update. Newsletter of
the National Down Syndrome Society Spring 2001
…helped me deal
with some of the feelings of grief and pain as the mother of a special
needs toddler. I found hope, inspiration, and understanding in the
experiences of other parents. I wish I had had this book when my
baby was first diagnosed! You can read this book in small doses--one
or two essays at a time--which I found helpful as mom to a busy
little one!
P.S. - Don't forget the tissues when you read it.
Andrea
Velasquez Fuentes, Miami, FL, April 22, 2001
Posted at Amazon.com
Every parent of a special needs child should be given a copy of
this book when their child is born. This book really touched me
and helped me to deal with my own feelings.
Carol
A. Plant, Rapid City, SD, June 1, 2001
Posted at Amazon.com
Worth buying and keeping, to use again and again!…This book
has rejuvenated me, and renewed my determination to move forward
with my little girl. While I still consider myself to be in the
grieving stages, and while I do not expect my heart to stop breaking
into a million pieces on a daily basis---since reading this book
tonight, I feel stronger and more able. Right now, I feel that my
heart has been filled with love again, and "something"
is holding the pieces together again. As most of you either know
or will realize…this moment is what is most important. And
this book can make that moment, however long or short it may be,
a little better, and more bearable.
I highly recommend YOU
WILL DREAM NEW DREAMS.”
gracek
312, Pleasanton, CA, September 2, 2001
Posted at Amazon.com
…one of the most
personally important books I have ever had the privilege to encounter.
I am a family member of a person with disabilities and a newly disabled
person myself…well worth reading and re-reading.
Julia
K. Daley, Vermont Developmental Disablilities Council
As a mother of a son with a disability, reading the essays was an
affirming and comforting experience--to know that you are not alone
in your feelings and responses. I wish I had had this book available
to me 10 years ago! As a pediatrician, the writings of these parents
provide invaluable insights into the emotional roller coaster parents
experience…the sorrow and joys and the unconditional love
they feel for their children. It typifies the incredible wisdom
and strengths that evolve in these families. This collection should
be mandatory reading for all professionals working with children
with disabilities and their families.
Elisa A.
Nicholas, M.D., M.S.P.H., Executive Director, The Children's Clinic
Serving Children and Their Families, Long Beach, CA and Director,
Community Pediatrics, Miller Children's Hospital, Long Beach, CA
Every family with a child with special needs to read these essays.
It is a wonderful way for them to explore their own feelings. I
highly recommend this book for parents as well as health care and
education professionals.”
Charles
N. Onufer, M.D., Director, Illinois Division of Specialized Care
for Children
Assistant Professor of Pediatrics, University of Illinois/Chicago
School of Medicine
Email your review to
reviews@disabilitiesbooks.com
Stanley
D. Klein, Ph.D.
Stanley D. Klein, Ph.D.,
clinical psychologist and educator, is currently Education Director,
Abilities Expo; Series Editor, People with Disabilities Press, iUniverse.com;
and Research Associate in Medicine (General Pediatrics), Children’s
Hospital, Boston.
Dr. Klein co-founded
Exceptional Parent magazine in 1971 and served as editor-in-chief
of the magazine for parents of children with disabilities until
1997. In recent years, he helped Merrill Lynch establish it Families
of Children with Disabilities Program and served as “Special
Needs Expert” at Parents.com (Parents magazine Web site).
In 1996, he retired,
after 19 year, as professor of psychology and Director of the Counseling
Service at the New England College of Optometry.
Dr. Klein lectures frequently
to health care and education professionals about communicating with
parents of children with disabilities, particularly the challenge
of delivering difficult diagnostic news. He has lectured on this
topic at teaching hospitals and many other clinical and educational
settings throughout the U.S. as well as in Greece, United Kingdom,
Israel, and Germany.
He began working with
children with disabilities in 1954 as a camp counselor while he
was a college student. Dr. Klein received his Ph.D. in psychology
from Clark University in 1963; he was a Phi Beta Kappa graduate
of Lehigh University in 1957.
Dr. Klein is the author
of Psychological Testing of Children: A Consumer’s Guide and
the co-editor of two books: The Disabled Child and the Family: An
Exceptional Parent Reader and It Isn’t Fair: Siblings of Children
with Disabilities.
Dr. Klein has received
numerous national awards for his work from organizations such as
the American Psychological Association, The President’s Committee
on the Employment of People with Disabilities and the American Association
of Disability Communicators, The National Down Syndrome Congress,
National Parents Network on Disabilities, American Academy of Cerebral
Palsy and Developmental Medicine, Bethesda Lutheran Homes and Services
and the National Easter Seals Society.
He has appeared on many
radio and television programs discussing children with disabilities
and their families and once served as the on-air child development
expert for WEEI, Boston.
Dr. Klein is the parent
of two children.
Kim Schive
Kim Schive is a graduate
of Harvard University and a former faculty member in the Department
of Psychology at Gallaudet University, the world’s only liberal
arts university for students who are deaf.
She has been an associate
editor of Exceptional Parent magazine and the editor of various
Deaf community publications.
Ms. Schive is deaf and
the adoptive parent of an adult deaf son. She lives in Massachusetts.
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