Born with a congenital heart disease and experiencing heart/respiratory failure at six weeks, David’s extensive brain damage left him profoundly disabled. David’s dad describes the emotional issues faced by the family and deals candidly with the depression and sense of loss brought on by his son’s early diagnosis and later, his death.

This is Robert Greenwald’s true story of his son David, born with a congenital heart disease. At six weeks of age he went into heart/respiratory failure, suffering extensive brain damage that left him profoundly disabled both mentally and physically.

Mr. Greenwald’s narrative is compelling, rendered with honesty, compassion and emotional impact. The special relationship that develops between this father and son embraces many of the themes and issues common to parents of special children.

The story takes a penetrating, introspective view of the emotional conflicts and self-doubt involved in parenting a child with disabilities. It deals candidly with the depression and sense of loss brought on by his son’s early diagnosis and, years later, his death.

It movingly chronicles the many episodes and crises that occurred between these two defining events. And it describes eloquently, yet openly, the changes this special child wrought in his family’s life, roles and sense of purpose.

Chapter One 1
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
The David Poems

From Foreword by James May, former Program Director, National Fathers’ Network

The old myths are far flung – and deeply held – that men are hard-driven, inexpressive, pragmatic creatures, devoid of strong emotion or the capacity to nurture, always more at home with work than with their families. Whatever truths such stereotypes might contain are shattered by Robert Greenwald’s reflections of his son. For all parents a child’s birth is a time of great expectation, joy and optimism. In David Greenwald, born with congenital heart disease that lead to subsequent brain damage, such dreams are crushed. Perhaps the easy choice would have been to turn away, abandon hope, and fatalistically accept life’s injustices. For Robert that simply would not do. With eloquence he unabashedly shares with us the connections he creates with his son: the tears and depression, the fears and the pain, and ultimately, the love and care grounded in the extraordinary relationship they develop

Reading Gentle Son evoked powerful feelings in me. I often found myself twisting and turning at the raw emotions, so very close to the bone. In a narrative that is heart-rending, without being maudlin or sentimental, it explores the profound changes wrought by tragedy and grief. Having dealt with thousands of fathers of children with special needs, I can say with certainty that Robert Greenwald has spoken deep, fundamental truths. For parents or families who have suffered the loss of a child in death or in life, and professionals who deal with such families, Gentle Son lends understanding to the painful, conflicting emotions associated with loss and with parenting a special child. It also lends hope and encouragement. There is an authenticity here that cannot be denied. This is a story not only to be read, but felt.

From Chapter Five

Oftentimes I would stare at David when he was sitting or lying on the couch, with his music filling the still air of an afternoon or evening. …”What goes on inside that little head? How does he perceive the world around him? Can he formulate any kind of concrete or abstract thoughts within the narrow limits of his intellectual ability? With no concept of size and distance or time and space, with no ability to impose order on the thousands of sensory impressions that bombarded him every day, was he living in a world unexplained, an appalling darkness in which any attempt to process or understand could be simply a blind leap, and every shape and color was perhaps without substance or significance?”

Without the ability to speak or understand language, he could never communicate his feelings and desires other than by the most infantile method – crying. Each of us uses words not only to communicate, but to think. We think in words. Words are, for everyone, the tool for establishing a human frame of reference by which we integrate ourselves into our physical and social environment. Words are the means by which we catalog information, store memories and attach meaning to people, events and things. Without words, it seems, experience cannot be interpreted or preserved. But David had no words…Words for him were meaningless sounds that offered no connection to his closed world.

This was the mystery of David…More than anything I wanted to get inside his head, to see the world as he saw it, to know how his mind wandered and wondered, to find, perhaps, some new thing that would please him or give him enjoyment. I wanted to reorder his small universe. If I had the power to give him something more than my love, it would have been language, perception, and a child’s fascination, among many other things.

None available at this time.

“At a time when outcome measures, productivity, intervention validity and cost dominate educational theory and reform, those of us who work with special children can experience much personal stress and introspection and, at times, conflict with the focus of special education in general. The complexity and enormity of the educational challenge to serve children with severe disabilities can cause educators, therapists and administrators to lose sight of the value and dignity of each life entrusted to their care. Robert Greenwald’s book, My Son, My Gentle Son, is a heart rending story of a precious life that, although very short, permanently impacted all who shared that life, and continues to awaken a sensitivity, compassion and sense of purpose in anyone who has a special child in their life. As the reader journeys through David’s short life with his father, Robert Greenwald, he or she focuses anew on what really matters in the work that we do and evokes sympathy and understanding for the families of special children. Educators, therapists and school administrators who allow the raw emotion and simple truths of David’s life and his family’s experiences to penetrate their own lives will be more effective in the work they do. David’s life, then, continues to grow in the depth of its influence and meaning."

Gretchen Kennedy, P.T.
Physical Therapist
Akron Public Schools

“With his words, Robert Greenwald paints a portrait of the profound and perfect love that develops when a family chooses to cherish the gift of their child’s life. In rich detail he describes the daily rituals of family life with such honesty, such intensity, it almost took my breath away.

Above all else, this is the story of love – a love so rare, so pure, that it triumphs even after the life itself is gone.

Every word wrapped itself around my parent heart – and tugged.”

Mimi Hunt
Mother of a child with disabilities

“Mr. Greenwald’s book is a must-read for professionals who work with families of children with special needs. It is thought-provoking and brings the important feelings of parents into focus! Every early intervention professional should read this and infuse what they’ve read into everyday practice in their work with families.”

Bethany Shue, M.S.A., M.A.
Past Clinical Audiologist
Current Training and Education Manager
Ohio Department of Health (Ohio’s lead agency for early intervention)

“I have used Robert Greenwald’s book in my special education teacher preparation class at the University of Akron for the past three years. While our university students are required to read many texts, there is none more powerful and touching than My Son, My Gentle Son. Reading this book facilitates the type of empathy, understanding and caring that is essential for effective teaching. My students have consistently reported that reading and discussing the book has been one of the most powerful and influential activities they have encountered during their undergraduate or graduate training. They have also stated that they wish all educators were required to read this book as part of their teacher preparation programs.

I am grateful for the development of such a wonderful and influential book. Through it, little David continues to touch the hearts of others and contribute to their growth as future educators and individuals.”

Evonn Welton, Ph.D.
Assistant Professor
Department of Special Education and Counseling
University of Akron

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“My Son, My Gentle Son has become required reading for the graduate course in family-professional collaboration. The powerful story of David and his family captures the attention of students in ways that no traditional textbook alone can do. Students have shared that they have laughed, they have cried, and they have walked away with a significantly deeper understanding of the journey faced by families when they have a child with a disability. Such an understanding cannot help but prepare students to be more effective, thoughtful educators and collaborators with families.”

Marilyn Espe-Sherwindt, Ph.D.
Family Child Learning Center
Kent State University

email your review to reviews@disabilitiesbooks.com

Robert Greenwald lives in Munroe Falls, Ohio with his wife Barbara and their two children, Katie and Steven. They have served as a foster family for children with disabilities for the past twelve years.